Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
