We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
