Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize