You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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