Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
