proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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