Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
