matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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