I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
What a dumb baby whore.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
