I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
