if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
