I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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