she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize