Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
