If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
