You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
