Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
