My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
