I'm going to jail i love you
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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