i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
