nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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