Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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