I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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