you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
