Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
either way he was missing a nipple.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
