my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
