Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
