I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
