you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You are a booty call, not a friend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
