I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
