you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize