how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
