last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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