So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
