Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
