Got a toothbrush?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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