you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
