She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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