I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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