I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
