ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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