the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
