I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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