then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're a waste of cheezeits
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
