Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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