She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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