come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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