Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
