I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
