I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize