I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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