dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
