12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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