Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
