no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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