Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
