A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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