May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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