it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm always down for nudity.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
