Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
