Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
