Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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