I'd wear matching sweaters with you
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
