Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
