I look better un-naked...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
