My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
