There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
