I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
