It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize