I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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