she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
