I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
