I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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