He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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