the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Farmville is her only friend.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
