I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
