i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
