i jhust puked up my retainher.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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