i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
