Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
