well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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