We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
