Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
