Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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