Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
