you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize