last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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