I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
