she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
