It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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