No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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