The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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