ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
