god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
