Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
