At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
