Whats the glycemic index on semen?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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