so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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