I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize