matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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